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This project offers a large variety of board games, mostly for parents to play with their children. To have fun and learn at the same time. Because it’s so easy and fun, and it means quality time together, the large majority of children will want to do it. There should be no issue introducing them to games and having fun together.
But … humans are not robots, of course. A child might refuse. Some people might simply dislike a specific board game, or board games in general, and they’ll work against you every step of the way if you try to force it.
How do we solve this issue? I truly believe there is a board game for everyone. Research also shows it’s the most universally liked form of play for all age groups and demographics. (More specifically: cooperative, social, physical games are the best.) If your child is going to enjoy any activity, it would be a board game!
And so this article will give some tips and strategies for how to get someone over that hurdle. These are no guarantee, of course, but they’re things to try that steer the situation in the right direction.
Tip 1: Faster Horses
There’s this famous quote by the inventor of the modern automobile.
“If I’d asked what people wanted, they would have said faster horses.”
People often don’t know what they want. They’ll tell themselves they want one thing, but that might not necessarily be true. It might just be the thing they’re most familiar with. It might be the only thing they know. They might just be hungry, or sleep-deprived, and their emotions are tainting their feeling about something else at the moment.
That doesn’t mean that “you know better”. How could you? You can’t look inside the brain and body of someone else. They probably have some good reasons for preferring one thing over another.
It does mean that you can introduce new options and change the system.
When all you’re surrounded with is junk food, how could you even know there are healthier options?
When all the movies in the cinema are superhero movies, why would you make it hard on yourself and prefer other kinds of movies?
When a parent gives their child a smartphone and a board game, why would they pick the harder option over the faster, easier dopamine?
Our brains adapt to what’s at hand, what’s familiar, what’s most available, what others are liking. Our preferences are not so much shaped by logic or personality, but by our environment and the systems in which we operate.
To help a child at least try board games, they need to be in an environment that supports it.
- Have good-looking board games always on display (and easy to grab) in some cupboard in the living room.
- Play board games yourself, with other people, and show them how much fun you’re having.
- Don’t actively provide many other means of distraction or entertainment, all the time.
- Foster a general environment that supports having an open mind and putting effort into new activities.
The best way to get someone hooked on board games, is to show them what’s out there and how much fun it is. Suddenly, they realize they didn’t actually want to sit on a chair all day doing nothing. That was just the only thing at hand, or the easiest thing. That was simply all they’d ever known, and school taught them that taking risks or trying something new gives you a bad grade, so don’t do that.
Immerse someone with all the possibilities and options, and they can get close to their true want. Most of the time, games are likely to be a part of that, because it’s a very natural thing for children to play and to enjoy games.
Tip 2: Try another avenue first
Okay, so maybe that still doesn’t work. You’re not able to leap from “I don’t like board games” to “I want to try a board game” in one go.
What’s the next best solution? Try that transition in multiple steps!
For example,
- Introduce your child to video games first. They’re usually faster and more exciting. There are no rules to learn, there are flashy colors and sounds, and things happen automatically.
- Then introduce a video game that’s based on a board game. For example, there are some really good card video games out there. They won’t “feel” like a board game at all, but you’re actually doing many of the same things.
- Perhaps introduce them to a video game now that’s a direct simulation of a board game. For example, Board Game Arena has online/digital versions of many popular board games.
- Now you’re just a tiny step away from saying “You know that game you like on the computer? What if we play it in real life?” (Or maybe you’re on holiday and don’t have a device, electricity or internet. So you have an even stronger reason to play the analog version.)
This might feel sleazy. It can be. There’s a thin line between forcing someone to like what you like, and just nudging them to a more open mind or better understanding of something.
I can’t tell you the exact difference here. I think it’s up to parents or teachers, who know their children or pupils best, to find this balance. To feel when someone just really does not care about games, as opposed to when someone just does not know what they’re missing.
Speaking of that …
Tip 3: Make sure they actually understand what it means
When you ask a random person about board games, they’ll usually reply: “Oh man I hated Monopoly as a kid!”
Many people have a completely inaccurate view of (board) games, usually based on tainted memories or assumptions. This is the actual reason they don’t want to try another game. They would actually love games, if you showed them the right one. But they’ll never try because they don’t actually understand what’s possible.
This harkens back, yes, to my first two tips. Show the possibilities. Offer a variety of board game menus.
It also just means some clear communication.
- Ask your child what they expect from a board game.
- They might have some wild assumption that you can then correct.
- “No, not all board games take 1 hour to play. In fact, this one here is only 10 minutes.”
- “No, you’re not losing every board game. Here, this one we play together and win together!”
People often don’t even know their assumptions or doubts / fears. They only come out when clearly asked about, and then you can put them to rest.
Never by lying, of course. But that’s not needed. There are plenty board games that only take 10 minutes, there are plenty fun games that only take 1 minute to learn.
Tip 4: Be the best example
Many times, I’ve seen parents get mad at their children for not eating healthy food. And then, when the kids are off to bed, they’ll spend the rest of the night on the couch eating a bag of crisps.
The same thing for mobile phones. Parents will fight their children on their screen usage, then explain away their own 10-hours-online-a-day with some nonsense excuses.
Parents are the greatest role model of young children. Also to older children, of course, but then friends, celebrities, and many others join the mix.
If you don’t look like you’re having fun playing a board game, what are your children expected to think?
If you don’t make the time to get away from screens, why would your children?
Conversely, if you actively put time in different things and enjoy different things, then your children will be more interested in that thing of course. For the most part, this is really about “not ruining it” again. Your children can’t be distracted by phones if you don’t give them one for free. Your children can’t eat unhealthy food if it isn’t in the home (for your own consumption) in the first place.
Put effort into things. Don’t look at your smartphone all the time. Play board games with all your attention. Have fun.
Set that good example, and children will naturally follow.
Tip 5: External rewards, but with caution
If all of that still fails, there is one last resort. But it’s a scary one. Only to be used sparingly and with caution.
The lives of kids are, unfortunately, already filled with external rewards. They are forced to do many things they dislike, and they’ll only do it because there is an external reward/punishment.
This has the clear advantage that kids actually do it. I mean, I hated school from the moment I set foot in one, but I still finished all my degrees with pretty good grades. Because I was so scared of repeating a grade, of getting a lecture from teachers or parents. That’s why it’s a common “ritual”, at least around here, for children to show their grades to their (grand)parents and get candy/money in return if the grades are good enough.
As such, you can use this to get them over the hurdle. To say “try this board game with me, and you’ll get chocolate at the end”. To say “if you join board game morning on Sunday, then you don’t have to help with the dishes”.
Most things in life are just about overcoming the first hurdle. Once people actually get going, we tend to enjoy whatever we do and keep that momentum. Once we’ve caught a spark or made a first attempt, it’s much easier to try it again and overcome a larger hurdle next time.
Once your child has tried a few board games, for an external reward, that hurdle will likely have lowered. Or disappeared entirely. Then stop with the external rewards. (Or gradually remove them again, if needed.)
If this doesn’t happen, you shouldn’t continue the external rewards. It won’t make a difference. It will just destroy any intrinsic motivation or “fun” your child is having with the activity.
That’s the proven disadvantage. Extrinsic rewards ruin intrinsic motivation. If you teach someone to do someting only because there’s a reward, then the moment the reward disappers (or is lowered/less shiny), they’ll immediately stop doing it.
I’d rather you let your children explore what does intrinsically motivate them, than try too hard to force them into board games.
Which brings me to the final point …
Tip 6: It’s okay to fail sometimes
Some people just don’t like games. They don’t like any of them. Whatever genre, whatever theme, whatever length or complexity.
Some children just really like being alone. They don’t want to be social all the time. They don’t want to ever rely on other people to do an activity. (There are many solo board games, though, which might be worth a try then.)
It’s okay if you tried, but your children just won’t play board games with you.
Accept the defeat. Find a different avenue for spending quality time together and helping them develop skills.
At the very least, don’t actively hold them back or force them into anything.
Conclusion
Those were my thoughts on how to introduce someone to board games. To overcome the one hurdle that stands between you and using this project.
I hope these tips are helpful. I know it can de disappointing when you want to help someone, such as a struggling student or child, but they refuse anything you propose and seem set in their ways. You can explain it’s for their own good all you want, but they don’t budge.
As stated, people’s thoughts are very flexible and usually don’t even know their own assumptions and misguided wants. Immerse someone with new possibilities, and suddenly they realize they are a different person who wants different things. Set the right example and take small steps or “nudges” to a different reality, and you’ll usually get there.
At the same time, it takes some magic tricks to actually reveal this to people. And you’re at risk of shutting them down permanently if done wrong. Some people are just born too stubborn. Some people will hold a grudge and do what you don’t want on purpose, even though it harms them. It can be tempting to use force, to swing your scepter of parental authority hard, but I’d always caution against that. As I explained in that other article, forcing a human to do anything might give short-term gain, but will always lead to terribly negative effects in the long term.
I wished it were different, but it’s not. This article contains the best ideas I have to navigate this issue.